This is an actual article written for the Hindustan Times, published 13 weeks ago;
‘Why women in their 20s rush into marriage?’
‘For women who get hitched in their 20s, divorcing in the first couple of years has become a common pattern now, and most of them go through this horrifying phase even before hitting 30.
While the factors behind every relationship’s downfall are different, the underlying impetus behind marriage is similar for some of the women.
For women, who maintain a comfortable long-term relationship in their 20s, the next logical step is to get hitched, mainly because they find it convenient. Madison, a 29 year-old accountant from New Jersey admitted to marrying even though she didn’t feel ‘crazy love’, because was ‘content and secure instead’, Huffington Post quoted her as telling.
Many times it is a previous relationship, which leaves a woman heartbroken and propels them to marry ‘Mr Wrong’. They say you never really get over your first love. “I didn”t think I would ever fall in love again so I figured it didn’t matter who I married,” said Tara, a 26 year-old freelance writer from North Carolina.
There are many women who take the decision of getting married simply because they hope that marriage would change things. For instance, Casey, a 35 year-old travel correspondent thought that once she settled into newlywed bliss, her ex-husband would be happier with his own life, will be able to hold a steady job and show her more affection. However, in due course Casey, who married at 24, found her ex husband “immature and insecure”.
Then there are instances when women hasten to tie the nuptial knot apparently because of low self-esteem. “I was a very insecure individual at that time. I was losing weight from gastric bypass surgery and wasn’t happy with my appearance. He told me I couldn’t do any better and I believed him,” said Kim, a 30 year-old social worker.
There is not one main reason, which can be blamed for getting married. There are women who had a clue that their marriages were not meant to be but still went ahead with it anyway.
These interviews were conducted for the book ‘Trash the Dress: Stories of Celebrating Divorce in your 20s’.’
Not in one place during this article does it mention love; those of us in our 20s who would marry for love. It’s quite simple, a four letter word but it does encourage us to do the craziest of things – and yes, I guess it effects some more than others but since when were any of the above popular reasons for marriage?
I did the 20-something ‘want to get married’ thing – I got engaged when I was 21 and went through all of the stages; saving to be married, he asked my dad, we had a private function and we were happy. I did this for no other reason than because I was in love and wanted nothing more than to be with him for the rest of my life.
This negates the latter ‘we weren’t right for one another’ and eventual split up, it was difficult. The point I want to make, is that there was no other reason. It wasn’t convenient, it wasn’t affordable, I didn’t lack self esteem and I didn’t do it to find Mr Right or through a want to change things. It did feel like the next step, that’s true but surely, if you love someone, eventually your mind will wander to marriage?
I don’t regret my decision, it was something I learnt from and a sad turn of events but I’d never take it back, it is part of my past. He proposed in a lovely manner, with penguins at London Zoo and presented me with a ring and asked me to be with him forever and that he’d protect me no matter what and I believed him – it shouldn’t be seen as a negative and I will never view it as such.
Articles like this damage views of young marriage and ideas of love and happiness. People should get married when they deem it right and more importantly, when they are intoxicated with love.