I used to love Valentines Day, I mean adore it. Since I have been a little girl, I have loved the idea of any kind of romanticism. I’ve always treasured getting married, moving in and having children before anything else in my world, one day. Yet here I am.
I woke up this year with a feeling of dread already when it shouldn’t be like that, haunted by memories of past years. Here is why… Each year I have been perpetually dissapointed by every guy who I have ever been with and to top it off, I’ve been one of those sad saps who has been dumped on Valentines and been paraded around a shopping mall with my mum on the same day, scornfully watching all of the happy couples and mainly, men doing last minute bits. It was adorable but demoralising at the same time. I spent the day in tears.
When I’ve been with people and that is two really, one for 3 years and one for 4, they never bothered apart from the first – once. He took me to Guildford and did ice skating even though he was terrified and hated it, we endured the shitty trains and he bought me a rose and cute little things. It was lovely, really and that stage where it was the first few months of us being together – he was out to impress and he did. The worst, well that would be the same guy who argued with me over flowers whilst at my aunts in Germany two years later. He couldn’t even be arsed to buy a card, although, that vaguely compares to me paying for a lousy Pizza Hut meal last year after he couldn’t be bothered and was gonna go boozing with mates instead – Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a bunny boiler, he can do whatever the hell he pleases all year round but anniversaries and valentines should be ‘us’ days. The best bit: the waiter judged him and gave me smiles all evening. That made the night, even down to the sly comment as to why he wasn’t paying, it made me giggle.
Come to think of it, the best Valentines day I have ever had is from a boy in year 6. He was my crush whom I’d liked for ages and he made me a secret handmade card.He was a wonderful artist. It was perfect.
I know that I shouldn’t treasure Valentines as much as I do, and I do understand the whole anti-it thing because of commercialisation and Capitalism and how we should love each other everyday of the year. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t love the person I’m with more than anything else in the world. But I’m still here with this feeling of sadness. It makes me feel guilty too, am I spoilt? am I forever wanting more? or do I just want someone to validate my love of this day as much as I do? I do feel sorry for these people who slight Valentines too though, do they not know how fun Valentines could be when you put in the effort to make it so damn special. Are they just single or is it they don’t have a romantic bone in their body?
Anyway, I hope you all have the most romantic Valentines day ever, even all the haters. Singledomers, there are awesome single burlesque evenings in London tonight – may I suggest you go, they are wonderful or just get in a few beers/bottles of wine and share in the love of your mates. They are special too and cause after all, even the Google homepage celebrates Valentines.