Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I’ll admit that I was glad it was over
But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough
No you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
Part of me believing it was always something that I’d done
But I don’t wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know.
The past couple of weeks it has felt like this song is haunting me. It has felt like the past has been haunting me. Last week, I deleted all the photos I ever had of my ex and now I am very unsure if I regret it or not.
It felt like I had deleted more than four years of my life, that weren’t all terrible. I’ve never totally wiped an ex out of my life before, I’ve never managed it. I still am friends with my first love, it’s different now and we are more like distant siblings but it just feels weird. I do feel bad for my current partner, GR but he knows that my first isn’t a threat.
The recent ex who I was once engaged to and was going to move in with and marry and have children with, had it all planned. Now it just seems ridiculous but at the same time, incredibly sad. It’s sad that such a good friendship, more than anything else, had to end and that it has to end indefinitely. GR does have an issue with him and this is the main reason why he had to go and the fact that most of the time he was an arsehole. It still feels wrong deleting years of my life though, it feels like a waste but a lesson at the same time. Should I feel guilty for even writing this post, cause I’ve felt guilty writing and thinking it?