I should really fill you in before starting this…
Joe has gone to Disney World in Florida for the week with his work, a bit of a nice gig if you ask me. He’s going to be dining with Mickey, exploring the Magic Kingdom and staying in the Wilderness Lodge with wildlife all around him.
Of course, I’m not jealous one bit… ish.
Anyway, he left on Monday and since then I’ve been pretty much on my own. Sleeping alone, eating alone and spending the evenings alone – it’s been a weird experience.
“I walk this empty street on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams; where the city sleeps and I’m the only one and I walk alone.” – Boulevard of Broken Dreams, Green Day
Over the last few months, I have almost convinced myself and believed myself to be a strong, independent woman capable of anything. A regular Wonder Woman who doesn’t necessarily need a man to make her happy. Work has boosted my confidence quite a lot and my friendships, the ones worth investing in, have gone from strength to strength. I’ve also got my wedding on the horizon (no biggie). Really, I should be extremely happy.
But come Monday evening, I was a bit of an emotional wreck. I very quickly realised that although I may not need a man to make me happy, it sure does help.
I thought I was going to get a load of work done, watch a few things I couldn’t normally with him around and eat what I like (Joe hates fish, sweetcorn, peppers and mushrooms). But I missed him a lot. I missed his awful taste in films, him telling me all the geeky updates of the day that I’ve already read about and his bear hugs at the end of the day. Without trying to be too soppy, I missed my soul mate.
Apart from when I went away to Thailand last year, this is one of the very rare times me and him have actually been apart and I had no idea just how much him not being around would impact me. Even after the first couple of days, I’ve come to see just how much he means to me and it’s been nice (but awful).
If you didn’t know, we live together and this means spending a lot of time together but then I came to realise that maybe this experience has been good. It’s made me realise just how much he means to me. I really think it’ll mean I appreciate him a lot more. This is not to say that I don’t but when you live together, it’s very easy to take the other person for granted. I think I was guilty of this.
“Alone had always felt like an actual place to me, as if it weren’t a state of being, but rather a room where I could retreat to be who I really was.” – Wild, Cheryl Strayed
It’s also made me realise that loneliness and being alone are two different things. You see, I’m not lonely (especially not with two bothersome cats sat at home) but I am alone. And it’s definitely not how I’d choose to be.
Hurry home. Please.