I used to wonder this when I was at school, it always seemed that when one couple broke up, normally the ‘lead’ couple of the school that everyone looked up to, that everyone fell apart. It wasn’t because they were swapping partners, or because it was time to split for university, oddly enough, it always happened around summer-time when seeing each other was more difficult but I often wondered; Can commitment levels be affected by friends’ relationships? Here are my arguments.
Break-ups and make-ups can be catching, especially if your friend does it first.
People play relationship dominoes – when one drops, the tables begin to turn for the rest of the people in that particular friendship groups. I often thought it was because people questioned their own relationships when another fell apart, they looked for the negatives and questioned if they really wanted a relationship right then. And then, like lemmings, if one decided ‘no’ then there was a chain reaction of heartache and misery. I have been THAT person though, I saw my friend break up and shortly after I did the same, we were falling to pieces anyway but it was seeing my friend pluck up the courage to dump her man that finally put the nail in the poor guy’s coffin. Likewise, when things have been great, that is normally because all other relationships in the social group were, it felt like those first few months – bliss. Nothing ever became questioned. I guess when we all broke up, we all got to go out and commiserate. A generally strange pattern.
I soon realised, though, that single-dom wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, I moped and then often regretted this impromptu dumping. However, I had made my bed and I had to lie in it all alone. I guess thinking things through and not following your friends can come with maturity? I don’t feel this urge now; it could be because now I am genuinely happy. I think, often, that if the barriers are down on a relationship, whether that be your friends’ isn’t going so well or they decide to down-play yours then inevitably it is added pressure to leave but when things are going well and you have that support there from your friends, it works and it works very well.
A serious relationship isn’t affected by anyone but yourself and that other person.
You often hear tales of these people, the ones that meet when they are in school or at a party when they were young and they realise that they have just met the person they are going to marry. Their soulmate. They either get together at this moment or meet up later and make up for their lost time, they get married, have children and end up happily ever after with the odd argument.
When I was in a comfortable relationship that I thought was going to last forever, I obviously still went out with single friends, or those that were enjoying new relationships, and I felt a pang of nostalgia. I felt like I had lost something. But then, when home-time came, I felt the warmth, happiness and love that I had for my partner. I realised this was a part of maturity and growing up. These new friends then never affected me nor my relationship – I defended it till the end. A relationship that was fragile enough to be threatened by a friends’ judgement cannot be a serious relationship? It shouldn’t matter what other people think. Maybe it is best to judge friends on how they treat your relationship and not the other way round?…